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THE SKINNY » Blog Archive » In Dreams I Walk With You

In Dreams I Walk With You

I don’t know. I’m now thinking that this whole blogging thing may be the opening of a real can of worms. I used to get thoughts and just live with them, and maybe share them with those closest to me. Now, I get thoughts and feel like I need to share them with the world. It just smacks of ego. It feels like a trap. As if by somehow sharing my pathetic realizations will somehow give meaning to my puny and absurd existence. I can see how people get addicted to the internet and it’s just like me to straight to the “hard stuff.” Not just using the web to obtain information, but going straight to “being information.” Oh well, into the rabbit hole. 

I named this blogging category insane ramblings the other day as a joke. But after reading this entry, some will say, “he wasn’t kidding.” But, rest assured that I don’t really think I’m crazy. I might think the world is crazy, though. This world, this “reality” is like some weird dreams I’ve had where things don’t make sense, but like in a dream, I accept what happens in this life as real because I am caught up in this dream. It’s rare that I wake up in a dream and know that I’m dreaming. I’ve only had a handful of lucid dreams in my life. Three things can happen when you wake up in a dream and realize you are dreaming. One, you get so excited by this realization that you wake up. Two, you lapse back into your normal, unaware dreaming state. Three, you hold onto the realization that you are in a dream and you control the dream. 

I had a dreaming experience the other night that was strangely like a lucid dream and is also the reason for this blog entry. In my dream, I was with a group of people going to a destination to perform in some way. My car broke down, and we sought help from a house nearby. They gave or sold us some warmer clothing to aid us in our travel once night descended and it got colder. It was up to me to coordinate a hitch-hiking expedition to get us to our destination on time. I only had a general directional idea of where we were going. 

This was the basic dream. What made this dream strange was that I would wake up periodically through the night and after I returned to sleep I would go right back into the same dream. Each time I awoke I would feel the residual frustration of not being able to get where I wanted to in my dream. My frustration grew throughout my waking interludes and I began thinking “Where am I actually going? Why do I have to get there so urgently? Who are these people I feel responsible for? Why don’t I have a map? Why don’t I just call Triple A? Isn’t there a bus station in that town?” Finally, as the light of morning was starting to creep in and my frustration with my dream reached it’s peak. I thought in my last waking interlude “It’s a dream, stupid, just call a helicopter to come and get you.” I went back to sleep and back into my dream. I still hadn’t become lucid in my dream, but before I awoke for the last time, I remember hearing the unmistakable sound above me of a helicopter descending. 

This puzzled me as I got up and fumbled through making a pot of coffee and retrieving my morning paper. I thought, “I often use information from my dreams to aid me in my waking existence, but this is the first time in my waking life that I’ve assisted myself in my dreams.”  People who know me always hear me say, “This life is an illusion, this isn’t reality, this is a dream.” This is my mantra and it has served me well in navigating my existence on this planet. But now I’m thinking, I need to listen even better in case there is an even more real me trying to influence me from the position of a more grounded “reality.” So there it is, my second big blog entry. I can already feel this getting out of hand, but just for fun, if you read this and then you encounter me in person, say to me as you approach me, “Is that Marcus Amerman? I must be dreaming.” I will respond to you (ala Merlin from the movie Ex Calibur) “To some I’m a dream, to others…a nightmare.” And then a huge bolt of lightning will strike and thunder will crash, and I’ll laugh demonically. It’ll be fun. You needn’t worry, I control this dream.

2 Responses to “In Dreams I Walk With You”

  1. rootm Says:

    I am practicing…”Is that Marcus Amerman? I must be dreaming.” or should i say “He must be dreaming.”~m

  2. Lydz Says:

    Hey your dream made me think about mine. I currently moved to be closer to my father (of course as his suggestion because I NEVER feel mentally ready for a visit…issues man, real issues) and help take care of my grandmother while trying to be the starving artist I am. I REALLY needed to quit living on the other side of the glass so I finally took my job and shoved it.

    But here it was I’m thinking I brought my children to the poorest reservation in the country—of course after being in Mexico for a couple of months I said bring it on baby…at least the rez’s got running water and WIC! My dream was me in Green Bay during a Packers Super Bowl Game w/what seemed to be the ‘world’ in attendance. I was there for a minute but had to leave and proceeded to make my way through the sea of people & going in a different direction. I finally made it home & was sitting in a run down house visiting my dead friend in a empty town (I swear I’d seen a tumbleweed rolling by too) feeling very kinda ‘out’ of it. Her broke ass left needing to catch a plane that some one else had bought a ticket for & w/the turn of my head was gone.

    I woke up feeling like man I sure am going against the grain. Which wouldn’t be the first time. But still strange feeling nonetheless especially since she was there. It was a good visit though.

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